forbiddenlove

2011-05-08T23:15:00.001+08:00

Unproductive again. Tomorrow, gonna do something that satisfy me.

I'm crying cos I finally understand or at least realise that I mean nothing, absolutely nothing to you. And that hurts.. to know that everything I did, was nothing. No effect on you or whatsoever.

Who do you think you are, running round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart.

Ask me anything @jajabinkx!

2011-05-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

Today's another unproductive day. Gonna chiong chemistry and biology tomorrow. And if possible practice on some physics.

Not you, me. I'm scared of falling in love, being in love and getting hurt again. The best part of it? My heart still aches whenever I see your name online and your face especially that smile.

Ask me anything @ jajabinkx!

2011-05-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

Geog was okay. Well, not really. I forgot what the hell was the factors that influenced the rate of coastal erosion. Gonna mug my sciences over the weekend, and on monday. Tomorrow's polling day, please let the people choose wisely who they want to govern them, vote for change I know, but how capable are they to make this change?

Once, out in the public in front of everyone showing them I have a fragile side. I hated myself for that so I made a promise, to never cry for anyone again, cos no one's worth the fight anymore since you enlightened me. Why did you even notice? Out of all times you must tell me, tell me when i'm over you. But hell, i'm not regretting. I'm gonna get over you, even if it tears me apart.

Ask me anything @jajabinkx!

2011-05-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

Yeah, too long. But the show must still go on, the mask will then cover my weaknesses again. Okay, i've got to admit, you're still my soft spot. I can't help going on each day without noticing you, well, at least i'm trying to. Got to let everything go including the memories and hurt one day right?

Maths today, kill me. Idk how to do a lot of questions ): &&&&& it's geog tomorrow, totally asking for my life. Nothing's going in. Well, fine, most of the stuff are in, just the definition part only. Bleuk.

Ask me anything @jajabinkx!

2011-05-03T23:22:00.000+08:00

Today, I almost lost it. But somehow I managed to live and go through the day. Okay, not productive today, like srsly. Geog isn't even in my head yet yknow, and i've got no confidence for maths. That's bad kay.

Ask me anything!

2011-05-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

Pretence

Tomorrow, and forever onwards, if you see me smiling it's just a mask that i'm wearing. Really.

Anyway, to the ipad user, you know who you are, TAG LUH! Sheesh, rich kid man, ipad. I'm jealous D: But nvm, i'm gonna get my iphone 4 WHITE at the end of the year, HARHARHARHARHAR. Okay, I sound like some ass, yeah but whatever. If iphone 5's out by then, i'll be a smartass and obviously buy the iphone 5. If there's no white, I'LL WAIT FOR THE WHITE TO COME OUT! Tsktsk. The white's soooo nice ):

Anyway, pc is sooo nice too <: Okay, that was meant to be sarcasm, the 'sooo' part LOL. But she is luh, she's willing to lend me her geog notes, cos i'm too lazy to recopy them out, but I doubt anything will go in unless I recopy them out so yeah, might as well just use her notes and still recopy them out. Bleh. Anyway, math isn't going into my head, i'm so dead. It's like when I look at the paper, my mind is like blank. Idk anything at all.

So... did you notice a change? Something's wrong? Or you think it's my normal mood swing? Okay wait, i'm suppose to be over you, but why am I still wondering if you know that something's wrong? Oh right, you never gave me the attention I wanted when I still had feelings for you. Withdrawal symptoms, forgive me.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-30T22:51:00.000+08:00

That's why i'm not even going to consider trying again. For what when I already know i'm gonna be hurt again. Love stinks.

Rip Ms Chan, although you didn't teach me personally, but I heard you're a great teacher. You led a great and definitely, meaningful life, God bless you.

I saw .... today in the market. Bet no one can guess who cos it's not the old or older (: Someone else. Bleh. Literally lost my appetite after I saw her. I know we stayed nearby but not to the extend of coincidentally seeing her at my market when I didn't for the past years. It's just so... urgh. Anyways, church. Okay I guess, mocha served <:

Ask me anything!

2011-04-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today, was it obvious enough? That something is wrong? Oh yeah, forgot, you didn't care in the beginning, why would you now?

Empty

That word is the only thing that is going through my head. Yeah, i'm so empty now, like literally. I can't even get my usual inspiration to write my touching essays. Okay, that's so ego. LOL. Not touching, but my kind of essays. Lost all my senses and emotions, like really lost them. Don't know what is pain anymore. What happiness is and all that crap.

I'm done fighting, really am. No joke this time. My heart still skips a beat whenever I see you and all, but lost the feeling of wanting to see you, to talk to you, to know that your presence is nearby. I don't care anymore, cos you don't as well.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

I'm done fighting. I'm tired, weary, hurt emotionally, hopeless. I don't want to cry over you anymore, spending my time wondering what the hell you are doing, if you're sad or happy, if you'll come online and talk to me, if you'll text me, if you'll smile when you see me, if you had your meals and all. I'm done with all these, it's not fun anymore, it's not worth it anymore. You're not worth the fight anymore. So lastly, I just want to thank you, thank you for opening my eyes, to see that love never existed, for me at least.

Ask me anything.

2011-04-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

Okay, I guess i'm somewhat depressed cos PC ain't entertaining me, yes I actually kinda like it but ew at the same time. Today, being the old and erratic me, I was studying SS (yes I am actually studying but not much progress though) then I picked up my diary, as in the one I record my homework and all and looked at the days. And it's like for every month, i'll draw out a box and fill in the dates/days for that particular month. Yeah, my mind then drifted off to July/August period. It got me thinking, what if you were really going off? Okay, betting on the fact that you'll tell me, I guess I would like to send you off on that day, but then the possibility came, what if you were leaving on a school day, during school hours. Omg, you know at that very moment my heart just sank? I could imagine myself, looking at the clock, waiting for the time where you board the plane, and i'll just lie my head on the table and say to myself "You're gone, almost forever." And the next time i'll be able to see you would be the following year, and my life would just be mundane, not much excitement, nothing to look forward to every morning when I wake up. There'll be this empty space in the parking lot, whenever I walk pass the office, I don't even need to bother to look in to see if you're at your desk or not. No one's gonna be my guinea pig when I bake new stuff, no one to joke with (other than my friends), but mostly, no more you. It's like you're gone, never existed in my life kind of thing.

I don't know if you're reading this or whatever, I know it sounds melodramatic, like how serious can it be, you're just someone who's just going to further their studies for ten months? Frankly speaking, it's not something big, but there's just going to be this missing piece in my life, get what I mean?

Okay, i'm speaking rubbish again, thinking too much as well.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

One day, I promise, I'll be happy and it'll be without you

Went to church today, I didn't expect anything or anyone in particular. But yeah. PC didn't text for the whole day, which is a good thing I guess right? You didn't start anything so I take it that you're irritated/pissed. Yknow what, I don't know anymore. Bet that person is just going to replace me, i'm going to be upset, jealous and everything but it's you not me anyway. As long as you're happy, I guess i'll be happy too (:
Okay, exams are coming, i'm going to study full-time tomorrow, plus i'm super sick now, as in the physical illness not the mental or anything else, LOL. Yeah, the darn flu bug hit me. Out of all times, argh.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

Good Friday tomorrow. Went to Ngee Ann Poly today. I feel so dead and lost, I miss your presence. Sorry that's just gross but yeah, I miss your presence. It's just one day, I don't know if I can survive through those ten months when you're gone. Okay, i'm not just lost and dead, I don't know what to say, total loss of words, emptiness, whatever yknow. Not like you'll do anything to make me feel better or whatever shit.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.."

"What a stupid lamb"

"What a sick masochistic lion"

That quote from Twilight has been haunting me the entire week, don't ask me why. It just is. School's cool these few days, other than the fact that I started playing volleyball, if no one saw the effort made, I have nothing to say man. And the best part, my fingers got hurt, my muscles got pulled and I ran 1.6km with a muscle pull only realising it got worst, kill me. Going to Ngee Ann Poly tomorrow, get to skip ve lesson which is uhm.. boring? LOL. Another reason why people should kill me is cos, i'm still not in the midyears studying mood yet. Srsly, i'm not joking, idk what's wrong with my momentum this year man. Getting distracted super easily isn't nice okay, like I want to study but there's something that stops me from focusing. Okay maybe it's my phone, I don't really switch on my lappie that much anymore, but you get the point, I have a short attention span and it isn't helping me in any way.

Hi, did I tell you before how much I loved you? Every single thing that happens to you, well, it affects me too. I bet you're just plain grossed out by that fact but who cares, love is just like that.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

And we were never meant to be together either ways.

Went to church for meeting, then headed home and all. Started baking around one? Banana cupcakes were like the successful ones man. But the banana taste isn't quite enough though, but yeah. Chocolate chip cupcakes were epic fail? Yeah, going to look for another recipe man, sheesh. My cookies were... not up to standard, the smell wasn't there, I can't seem to get it like the first time I did it. Probably going to attempt a few more times after mid years.

Don't want to go to school, sighs. So... sian yknow. It's like endless that kind of thing. And somemore it's already April. I don't want next year to come, it'll be my year to mug my head off. And probably by then you might not be in school anymore, omg where's my motivation going to come from?

Anyways, going to give quite a few people my cookies and cupcakes tomorrow, heh. Study my head off as well. Good Friday's coming so guess i'm going to sacrifice some things and go for my services LOL.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-16T23:13:00.001+08:00

Went to church in the morning since like ten to pack easter eggs and all, omg. Been in the church for like almost nine hours? Didn't even do a single productive revision in between then. I'm so dead. Oh and Sims 2 Ambitions is addictive, the toddler in the game is just simply so cute! HAHAHAHA. Baking tomorrow, hope it'll be successful and this time I'm baking at home, and somehow I have a bad feeling about it, but there's always a first right? (:

It hurts, hurts like hell. Knowing that you can never tell that person anything that is somewhat related to what your feelings are. When you asked me what was my type, my heart just sank okay? I wanted to reply saying that it was you, you are my type, and that I cam freaking in love with you, but you know what, I couldn't say anything like that, I didn't know how to reply, and my reply weren't my real words, my real feelings, the real me talking. It's been a while since I actually chatted for a while with you, I lost the touch already, have to admit. I wonder if you actually know how I feel, how much hurt that has been in me. I never planned to fall for you, it was so unexpected, you weren't my type of person in the first place, but love is blind and I was just blinded by you. You deserve much better, much more.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

Had IFD/Sports Carnival today. Was... fun? HAHAHAH, enjoyable, of course. All the events were like all over the place, and the ASEAN telematch was just simply LOL. Mentos in flour, gross ttm okay! And of course, thank gawd I didn't take part in it, like my name and reputation would just tarnish after I deep my head into the flour okay! HAHHAHA. Yeah, then went to Ion Orchard (did I get the name right?) LOL. Went to eat at Swensens with A,Ex-wifey, RT, N, G,V meimei, Ver, L, M (Y) Then walked around and went home. Gosh, the stomach is just so... complicated. Like why the hell are there so many enzymes being produced during digestion? Sheesh.
I'm glad that you started it today, really am.
Oh, and to the other person, you're just an utter disappointment, really. I can't believe that you're... nvm, it's your life, you want to waste it like that, go ahead, waste it for all I care. Utter disappointment.

Anyways, here's a photo to commemorate IFD 2011 (;

Ask me anything!

2011-04-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

Okay freak, you're making me feel so guilty now. Both of you. The old and the older. IFD tomorrow, our second last IFD, it's kinda sad yknow? I wonder what is it going to be like celebrating and participating in the last IFD next year. It is sad, people like me tend to think a lot, i'll definitely miss the fun stuff, I mean after that it's all study study study right? Not much of a fun left. Os are coming, not this year though, but next year, and next year seems so... nearby?

Omg you were so adorable tonight, it's been awhile since we teased (?) LOL each other so much. But yeah, i miss us, really.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's been three days in school, omg. Plenty of ups and downs in the past 72 hours. Gosh. But somehow or another I just hope that it'll end, real soon. And move on, live on pretending that nothing happened. No one got upset, all those painful confrontations and memories would just be buried and we'll live for the future once again. Less than two more weeks to myes, I haven't really started on anything yet. The new SS teacher ain't so bad afterall, he taught GP in ACJC, how cool is that? LOL, and to think I actually judged him before getting to know him. He is old, but he got that sense of humour that can connect to us students, which is really like one in a million that kind? Yeah, he's nice. I kinda look forward to tomorrow's lesson <:

I always say that i'm losing hope in love, well yeah I am kinda, but cos there's you and those feelings I had that seem to consistently remind me of what love really meant back then to me.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

School starts tomorrow. Another awful week, but guess what IFD/Sports Carnival is on friday <: Went for NTU's choir concert cos our school was a guest choir so went down to give support to G, A and V (: Heh, it was nice, very nice actually, an eye-opener. Who knew that universities had a choir and somemore with guys in it. It's surprising, the nice kind of surprise. LOL. Not as productive as I'm suppose to be. Biology, you're next, same to chemistry. I don't understand why we have to study chemistry. OMG. I abhor that subject. Nothing goes in, I'm starting to dread maths as well, that's not a good sign. I love maths, it's my best subject. I guess I just don't have much of a motivation now. I miss how we talked to midnight while you do your stuff and I study history. The good old times, but it doesn't mean anything now. I mean it's all in the past.
And yknow what's the best part, I tend to type emo stuff on almost all my posts. Maybe it is time I let go and move on. Moving on for the better. Well, it's also probably time I look for a new inspiration, someone new I work hard and prove to. I gotta do well, even if it means nothing to you.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-09T22:50:00.000+08:00

I was just wondering, kinda aloud as well, does anyone know how painful, okay maybe not painful, but how hard is it to actually say hey i know that you and I are love rivals but I don't actually give it a damn cos that's your business. It's surprisingly still haunting me, the whole day actually. I'm not jealous but why am I even trying to explain myself when only I myself need to know that fact? Okay I'm talking rubbish again.
Went to church, didn't do much other than texting and playing Chocolate tycoon while waiting for Novena to start. Mocha served <: It's been awhile, but I think I saw him last week? If I'm not wrong, LOL. Yeah, it has been awhile. I lost the definition of love along the way, but he is the reason why I believed in love in the first place, so.. credit goes to him uh?
I love you, still do, but it's really time for me to let go. How am I suppose to live each day after you're gone? And it's like not a gradual gone, but really an immediate and instant gone. Nothing will be left behind, absolutely nothing. No more 11.11 wishes with you and small messages out of concern will be sent. No one would be there to help me choose stuff anymore, it's like a puzzle missing that middle piece when you're gone. Okay I'm talking rubbish again, I just don't want you to go. Really to not go.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

Had TAD today, super tiring but it was as awesome as always (; Gonna start doing my homework and stuff tomorrow, really just want to collapse on my bed and fall into deep sleep now. Totally going to start my revision tomorrow especially for SS, I don't know what kind of teacher is going to be teaching us. Better be safe than sorry right?
Gawd, you're just plain annoying. What's your issue man? Did I ever offend you? If it's the person that you want, go ahead take that person, i'm not the kind that gets jealous that easily so can you just stop spiting me? It's immature, like why should I even give a damn about your closeness with that person? It's your business, not mine right? So seriously just go away, quit being such a immature little girl. It's dumb srsly.
Yes done with what I wanted to say that I kept inside for the entire night, it's dumb, I don't appreciate people putting the effort to spite others, what's the point? What do you gain in the end? Someone jealous? Please, use your energy and efforts to study hard and make that person proud man.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

Yup, none of this ever happened. It's my fault actually, I was the one that started it although your signals were like all over the place but I guess it's just you, that's why I got it all wrong.
Mock parliament today, it was fun, epic and of course, hilarious! The debaters were all boomzxc okay! HAHHAHAH. Enjoyed myself a great deal there, and cos it took most of my study time, my eyes are shutting , I am friggin tired but sadly, I still have chemistry to study for and I bet I am going to fail again. And oh speaking of that, I still have biology to complete and flag day reflections in my hand. Gah. I wish life was what it was last year, stress but somewhat carefree? It's like only 20 days to the first paper, and I haven't really studied for it yet and yes it is my somewhat most hated subject - Social Studies. I have issues memorising the darn informations. Got to buck up, I know. I got to make you proud in case you do go off in the middle of the year. And yknow what's the best part, your term starts near your birthday period, how am I suppose to give you your present then? Sighs. I wonder when are my feelings going to wear off. Even G's wore off already. But argh, whatever. Off to complete geography. LOL.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-06T20:17:00.000+08:00

Yup, love is love. i'm totally liberal about it. It's who you are, not learnt or inherited, if some people can't accept you for who you are, well don't give a damn and move on with your life.
School was okay. I seriously need to start studying. Like seriously. I guess I won't be switching on my laptop for awhile, and you know what's the best part? Everytime when I want you to be online, you just hell won't be online, but when it's nearing the examinations, GOD. You are my distraction, always online and you know you're simply just irresistible and I'll come online, hoping and wishing that you'll come talk to me. Sighs. Tomorrow's mock parliament, and I have a feeling that I would fall asleep as usual at most of my lessons. But on a happy note, TAD is the following day <: Got registration duty again, like last yearrrrrr! I hope it's going to be fun and the best part, I think you'll be there.
Didn't reply pc since four today, I feel mean O: I mean, things already have been cleared up and all right? Then why am I trying to avoid you? Maybe it's just cos I'm afraid, afraid of the unknown... Okay, what rubbish am I talking about? LOL. Whatever, not like I care.

It's my turn to need you now.

2011-04-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

Can't seem to find any other images that depicts my current feelings so I'll just stick to the Santana image. LOL. Flag day today, it wasn't so bad after all. AMK is filled with nice people (; It's so heartening to know that people would still donate to help the Japanese even though they caused so much horror and terror in our history. Koi & subway is just awesome man. HAHHAHA. that was random.. LOL.

don't go. that's all my heart is just trying to make me scream out. i doubt you actually remembered our promises last year, i mean why should you. they never really meant a thing anyway.. to you that is. i don't want to regret not fulfilling the promise when you're going off and let myself live in agony for the next few months.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

flag day tomorrow, i am not looking forward to it. like srsly. but wtv man. okay shit i'm in a bad mood now. i want to spout vulgarities but i'm trying to constrain myself. done with ss, well chapter four that is. just going to transfer my notes and all into the notebook. i think the Sri Lanka conflict is dumb and yknow what's the best part of it? it wasn't caused by any of the parties, it was caused by a third party but i'm not naming who later i get myself into some political controversy. LOL. Northern Ireland is in as well, though i'm not suppose to learn it yet. can't wait to see who's our next SS teacher, i praying that it WON'T be Ms Mok. please i'm begging God and the school anybody but her. going to continue enzymes or the biology chapters tomorrow or something after CCA, bet i won't be able to do anything productive, but i'll try.
OMG! sing you home is becoming a movieee~ i hope so though, i'm so going to catch it man.

sorry, sorry for offending you. i know what i said in the afternoon was just making the whole thing obvious. i'm not suppose to believe in what others say but only your words, but it's hard yknow? if being with whoever you're with now makes you happy, then i rather bury all my feelings and let them hurt me so that you can be happy without being hurt. you don't know how much i actually love you and care for you, but at the same time you don't care as well. i mean why should you right?

Ask me anything!

2011-04-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

my 500th post so i'm kinda commencing it by putting up a few more images (; let's hope i complete a thousand by the end of the year. HAHAHA. anyways, saw Mocha today, he always reminds me of what love really is at the end of the day, which is a good thing right? and i have a bad feeling that i might just fall for Mud again. sighs. i thought i was over him, but i wasn't really. LOL. i still get jealous sometimes and all, which is weird? i shouldn't even feel that way if i'm really over him. i guess that applies to all my crushes, i never really got over them, i just moved on burying those feelings in my heart knowing that it doesn't matter to that person or the world anymore. okay wtf am i talking about -.- cate was okay today i guess. there's legion tomorrow, sian ttm. i'm still texting pc. and i friggin want to eat those cookies that you baked ): oh and did i say this before? Sing you home is totally awesome, i want lesbian parents, i think it's darn cool <: but on the contrary, i love my parents, yknow without them there won't be me that kind of thing, yeah. HAHHAHA. okays, tomorrow, i'm going to complete the chapter on enzymes although i don't know a thing that the worksheet is saying. LOL. going to do some chemistry cos of the upcoming test /: SS is finally going into my head, totally happy about it, Sri Lanka's conflict, it's an interesting chapter, trust me it is, if you're a sadist of course, HAHAHAH. lame sorry. yeah that's all, anyways. bye.

Ask me anything!

2011-04-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

it's the first of April. it's shocking. and that just means we're a month closer to our Os. but who in the right mind would start counting down to their Os this year anyways. got to start on my revision and start mugging (;

oh and i changed my blogskin, out the fun of it. and this time i took less than ten minutes to finish editing it. LOL. i've been thinking quite a bit again, sighs. i think some people are just irritating. srsly, the kind that needs to learn how to put a stop at jokes and teasing. i'm referring to mean teasing, of course. but wtv. srsly.

i miss you, i miss us. i miss how we pester each other almost everyday if we had our meals or not. but you changed, i changed, we changed and so did everything as well.

Ask me anything! ^^

2011-03-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

friends, such a harsh yet harmless word. hur. wtv, i'm reminiscing the old times, i miss how we were. carefree, we told each other all the shit we knew, jokes, teasing, alot of care and concern and nagging. but now, we are like strangers, total strangers, we don't even smile at each other anymore. sad uh? yeah, i can totally tear just reading the past conversations, too much has changed, the change i didn't expect at all. and it's all my fault, my impulsiveness, that gift and the obviousness. sighs.

school sucks. hahaha, stressed and all that shit. homework piling, i haven't even completed one homework since this afternoon. sighs, myes is stressing me out, no time and everything. i need to start studying man, like srsly. okay that's all i guess, and i noticed that i'm not really blogging much, keeping everything to myself again. and before i know it, i'll prolly get some sort of depression. but wtv. that's all bye.

Ask me anything!

2011-03-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

hahhaha, the week's been okay. unproductive as usual, doing badly for my tests, i need to buck up, srsly. sighs. i bet my dad's going to get a heart attack when he sees my results. the week had been weird, hahahah. really weird, plus plenty of misunderstanding and all, hahahah, but it's all cleared up i hope.

the day is nearing, to the time when you have to go, i mean will you still tell me if you're going off or not? cos we aren't that close uh? you're still the one, for now.

2011-03-20T22:58:00.000+08:00

yup, had SK's birthday celebration while baking today at Nessa's place <: hhahaha, it was successful, successful in fooling sk here and there (; but had lots of fun, glad that she and the rest enjoyed themselves. omg, my cookies this time are like almost a failure ): hope people will still buy them though, think i'm just going to stick to milk chocolate chip cookies for now. hahahha. yeah, back to school today, reality smacked me in the face. got tons of work to do, to complete that is. and apparently having some issues with people here and there. i find it gross, but srsly, be careful for what you wish for on eleven eleven, they srsly just come true without you knowing that kind of thing. ugh. and now i'm in deep trouble, but it's kinda just a guess not really the truth or anything yet though. i only have one person in my heart, and that's yknow who. so i won't try to squeeze another one in, that's just dumb. LOL. but somehow i'm glad that you (new one) didn't text me cos i didn't reply your last text since this evening, which is a good thing, but i have a bad feeling that it'll come again tomorrow, omg. kill me, it's been five days STRAIGHT. and it's srsly no joke, i've never texted someone for so long before, i think. LOL.

and yesh, tomorrow. i am not looking forward. other than the meeting up with my friends part that is.

okay, i am so tired, been sleeping at midnight cos of pc and i need to wake up freaking early in the morning, haven't really got a good and long night sleep for the past week. the best part, i haven't recovered from the portugal exchange program and it also includes the rest for efl. but time isn't on my side, so i guess i need to recover during the june break? that's long, but nvm, who cares.

i'm blabbering, i know. LOL. so yeah, that's all. bye.

2011-03-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

went for ne course today, had fun learnt skills, didn't know journalism was so interesting, HAHHAHA. yeah, wasn't intending to post today, but felt that i had to clear up some stuff since i already kinda 'cleared it up' in person. now i know what you felt and what went through your mind yesterday, so don't think so much, whatever i posted was yesterday, i didn't know the truth, people were angry and frustrated that's why i wrote whatever i posted, but now since i know the truth, i take back whatever i said in that particular post, i hope you know which post i'm referring to, and that you don't take it to heart longer and if you still feel uncomfortable about it, tell me, i'll remove that whole entire paragraph.

you're back and you texted me, i just hope that the concern and care is somewhat genuine?

that's all, bye.

2011-03-17T18:34:00.000+08:00

i don't know how much i want all this to end but yeah, this song, i'm dedicating it to you and my entire clique. It's from Glee, like what Rachel Berry said before going on stage to sing it, 'Listen carefully because, i mean every word of it.'

What have i done?
i wish i could run,
away from this ship going under
just trying to help
hurt everyone else
now i feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders
what can you do when your good isn’t good enough
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions
keep making a mess of things,
i just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?
can i start again, with my fate shaken?
cause i can’t go back and undo this
i just have to stay and face mistakes,
but if i get stronger and wiser, i’ll get through this
what can you do when you’re good isn’t good enough?
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
i just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?
so i throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air,
and accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair!
yeah, i’ll send down a wish and i’ll send up a prayer
and then finally someone will see how much i care
what can you do when you’re good isn’t good enough?
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
i just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

- Get It Right
By Rachel Berry, The New Directions

2011-03-17T16:30:00.003+08:00

yup posting early, although i have tons of things to do. just want to vent and say some things here. stating the obvious first, it's thursday. half the week had already gone past, awesome isn't it? school's starting and the next break would be in june. and time will past so fast that the next moment it'll be the end of ca2 and we'll all be mugging for eoys during september breaks. then eoys will past, and dec will come and 2012 will come. hahahahah, i'm talking gibberish ikr. anyways need to catch up on my work and all.

i wrote one whole chunk of words here, but yknow what, i'm not going to fight with you anymore, just giving you one sentence to sum up what was previously here: be grateful, we don't owe you anything and besides it's suppose to be a happy occasion.

that's all. bye.

2011-03-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

back from efl. sick, tired, totally drained. ironic part about the return journey, we were suppose (initial) to reach back school at 5 plus in the evening on 13th March. but in the end, due to some mini 'crisis', we were suppose to return back at 11.30PM, 13th March, but yknow what, in the end, we returned school at 12.40 on the 14th March, LOLOLOLOLOLOL. but it was fun luh, those five days and forty minutes of the sixth day, it was all worth it (; going back to school tomorrow, for some talk, for three hours, GAWD.

yeah you're gone. for a few days. but you texted me, and i guess that's what really mattered right? be safe there, yeah, i'll be waiting over here (?) LOL, that sounds weird, but you get the picture (:

bye.

2011-03-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

Portugal exchange ended, they left on sunday ): can't believe that i miss them, LOL. reality check on monday morning, sighs. okay, had physics and bio paper today, i was in a good mood and all thanks to SK in helping me with the preparation for it *wink wink* hehehehhe, going off for efl tomorrow till sunday, i hope there'll be loads of fun ^^ but i think i'll miss that person terribly /: but yknow, wtv. once awhile taking that person off my mind and emotions would be a good thing i guess. looking forward to it, but at the same time, omg, can i don't go for it? i'm so not in the mood for efl, LOL. super exhausted, sleeping in every lesson like some pig, and thank God that the teachers are understanding enough to let me sleep through and not like try to embarrass me or something. LOL. not taking it for granted though. my workload is piling, no one can see it except myself. i need to do alot of studying, ALOT, srsly. i failed my SS. LOL. i'm suppose to be upset and all, but i'm just disappointed but not much emotions shown or felt. i'll do better for the next one. i will and i have to.

okay, yeah been saying this all over and over again, but i still love you. but one of the hardest things in life is when you know inside your heart that you love that person, but you ran out of reasons to fight for what you feel. that's what i'm feeling right now, i still love you, but i just don't know what i'm fighting for anymore. all the pretence that nothing's wrong and that i don't actually care anymore, it hurts to know that you don't notice, i mean even if you did, there's nothing you can do right? but anyways, i freaking still love you, wait maybe more of like now. yeah, i still freaking like you, the feelings are somewhat there, in existence, but i guess all i can do now is continue putting up the act, till the day you go.

that's all. bye.

2011-03-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

sorry for not updating, bet no one reads it anymore anyways. LOL. yeah, portugal exchange has taken place since the beginning of the week. i am DEAD tired every single day :/ but it's fun luh, get to see stuff that i don't normally see, get to go where i usually won't go unless it's during the hols. but yeah, not regretting for now i guess. screw all exams, hahahha, i guess i just won't be bothered by this one, i'll do much better for mye (:

okay, yknow what. i still freaking like you, but just not as much anymore? i guessed i agreed to it is cos i still liked you then, but giving you that gift somehow really made me let go of everything just as i promised my friends.

yeah, that's all. bye.

2011-02-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

i have a good feeling that my ca is going to be bad news. i need to study. like friggin hard. nothing seems to be going in except for physics and maths formulas. SRSLY. all the bio, geog, ss & chemistry. nothing, totally nothing went in. i'll mug tomorrow and the day after. life's no joke. ugh. and my films. i want to cry, i forgot to include my unit number in the address part, and i'm friggin scared that it'll be sent back to Korea and i won't be able to get my films in time ): the exchange program isn't making my life any better as well. i don't want to say this but, if i knew the amount of trouble and time taken i have to go through, sorry but i wished i didn't say yes when you asked me. i friggin regret. sorry, i just want to say this out from my mouth, in your face. but yknow what, whatever happened, happened, i won't say i regretted it anymore, just let nature take its course, and since i did agree, i might as well take advantage and make the best out of it right? yeah.

okay okay, i admit. i'm still upset over the fact of you know what. i mean, you're still kinda friendly to me and all but you just don't initiate the convo, which is the upsetting part. but ugh, nvm. like i said before, i'm asking too much, and i got to keep that in mind. sighs. i miss the old us yknow. idk if you remembered whatever we talked about, but i do, whenever i re-read them, it hurts. it hurts to know, so much, well, almost everything changed.

2011-02-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

did physics today. hahaha, yeah, somewhat productive? i'm not looking forward to school. and i should learn to be more shameless, sighs.

i want to stop, but i really don't know how to.

2011-02-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

didn't do much today. went for church and all. american idol season 10 seems to cheer me up, LOL. as well as junior masterchef, all the talented kids makes me envious ):

what changed? ; everything did.

2011-02-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

i am stressed. and it seems as though the sentence always starts my post -.- yeah, but who isn't? homework, projects with little time. sighs. finished my SS already, doing geog now, i hope i'll do well for the test >< then later going to call girlf to discuss about the project.

it's been three days already i think. you still haven't really realise that something's wrong, something has changed uh? or maybeh you're just fulfilling my goal, to let me really forget about you. i'm just disappointed over the fact that you didn't notice anything. hahahah, maybeh i'm asking for too much, after all, you got enough work and projects to do, plus you have your family, pets and girlf to entertain, so there isn't any space left, i get the point. yeah. i shouldn't ask for anything anymore.

that's all, bye.

it hurts. it friggin hurts. but you don't see the scars left behind.

2011-02-15T21:52:00.000+08:00

dilemma. headache. stressed. ugh whatever. TTD today was okay i guess. the sec twos are damn good at shouting srsly. HAHHAHA. went deaf just sitting in front of them. sighs, okay. then had meeting after school. God, it's stressing me out, especially when time isn't on your side. srsly. fml okay? darn pissed and everything, need to learn to manage my time well, otherwise, i bet i'll just flunk my CA1. trust me i think i will :/

yeah, today's the first day. somewhat going well. no major heartbreaks yet. hahahah, but i'm just hoping that after time i'll learn to manage those emotions and everything.

oh btw, before i go off, who's the iphone user staying at Bedok Village uh? HAHAHHA. using M1 i think, cos the internet subscriber is Mobileone, so i guess it's M1 right? LOL, tag luh. my tagboard super dead already. HAHHAHA.

that's all, bye.

2011-02-13T22:19:00.000+08:00

went to Vanessa's place with Teriss, Verlene & Mag to bake cookies for CCA. it's nice kayyy! (; hahahhaha! selling five cookies for a dollar, DAMN fresh ones (; hahah, yeah, that's all. bye.

2011-02-12T23:03:00.000+08:00

i'm scared, stressed and hurt. but well, at least i finished most of my homework (: i'll do some revision tomorrow morning then i'll go bake my cookies (; hehehehe. my portugese buddy is so darn cute, NOT THAT I LIKE HER KAY. it's just that, her english is funny - no offence. but she's nice and all, OUR NAMES START WITH 'J' ^^ heheheh! me happy (Y) Rachel L got paired up with a couple, and she'll be a calefare, some extra person there, HAHAHHAA.

why issit when i'm about to give you up, you come and show me the concern when i was anticipating for when i'm still into you? yknow it's like making me change my mind and all, when i really don't want to have anything to do with you personally anymore? it hurts yknow. and i bet you don't even know that.

yeah, that's all i guess. OH WAIT. omg, yknow whenever i want to take a short afternoon nap, i never seem to be able to do so, cos text msges keeps coming in non-stop -.-

okayokay, bye.

2011-02-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

another week of school went past. so fast eh? plus there's so much homework and project. ugh. exams are going to be damn early this year. and i have a feeling that i'll screw it badly :/ i better start studying already.

this time i'm serious about letting go, it's been too long already. after valentine's day, i'll say my final goodbye and i'll move on and this time, i'll make sure i succeed no matter what.

that's all. bye.

2011-02-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

cny and first two days of school is kinda okay i guess? ate quite alot, well yeah i think so at least. homework seems to keep piling up and projects are never-ending. srsly.

i'm becoming more and more realistic these days, idk if that's the word to describe my attitude towards life, but yeah, realistic. i used to believe in idealistic stuff before, but now idk what's happening but whatever seemed unrealistic just seem stupid and all, if you know what i mean. like whatever seems to need your imagination to imagine it, it can just be explained with some chim-ology reasons. and although this is sooo contradicting my above image and my used-to believe in beliefs, i don't want to believe in love anymore. after valentine's, i'll do something about my obsession, i don't want to live because of you anymore, i don't want to feel the shit hurt everytime i felt like i did something wrong and the best part is that you make me feel even worse without realising. the empty spaces in my heart caused by you, i don't want to fill it anymore cos it's going to be empty again anyways.

you know sometimes, you just have this sense of loss, loss of direction, not being able to locate where in the world you are and totally unsure of where your destination is? sometimes, you just want to tell that person what kind of hell feelings you have to keep to yourself and also how to stop yourself from breaking down in front of the world, that you just have to keep that smile on your face although your heart hurts like crazy just cos of that person, but no matter what you just can't tell anybody especially that person? and just sometimes like how the entire world just seems to be against you liking the person, but you know, you just can't help it, you just love that person although it may just be against the wishes of others and the law. and at the end of the day, you can't say it out, you keep all the pain to yourself having the mentality that once you say it out you'll just be burdening the rest of the world, so instead you keep it to yourself, your fragile heart and hurt yourself everyday?

sorry thinking too much again, yeah, that's all bye.

2011-02-03T23:11:00.000+08:00

first day of cny ^^ GOSH. my clothes were damn girly, but nope didn't wear a skirt or dress, THANK GOD! went for mass this morning, he didn't serve ): then went to have lunch at marche, at vivo somemore /: yeah, then went to uncle's place then to my cousin (MSN)'s grandmother's place. missed him by about twenty minutes or so? phew, felt damn lucky about it. HAHHAHAHAH. idk what my reaction would be like if i saw him >< yeah, then came home ate dinner and went to tiong to watch It's A Great Great World. zomg, that movie is soooooo nice! although i wasn't alive during that period, but it's like it somehow gave me a nostalgic feeling, the amusement park seemed nice, i don't understand why it has to close down in 1978 -..- but oh wells, enjoyed it alot! tomorrow still have to go visiting, ugh but then another movie to watch! (Y) hehehehe! then i have to start on my homework, soon. sighs. okays, that's all, need to shower then to bed. goodbye & goodnight (;

2011-02-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

i'll say this, one fine day.

happy cny people! it's the eve luh but just wishing first, hehe. cny celebrations were so lol today. but sadly we didn't win ): but nvm, just the fun of it (: yeah, then had meeting, omg. i think for ca i'm going to die. so rush and it's like clashes with everything :/ yeah, then went out with clique and all, both G & myself got what we wanted to get (; then had reunion dinner, same old and too much food -..-
yeah, that's all i guess. bye.

2011-01-31T22:47:00.000+08:00

didn't take a photo of my birthday cake in school today >< stupid me, ugh. it was niceeee ^^ hehehehe! thanks to all those who bought it and made an effort to celebrate my birthday! (; i'm sooooo touched! hehehehe. okays. got alot of presents ^^ me happyyyy! hheheheh! thanks alot for everything, the card, the presents, the cakes, the thoughts, the time, the effort put into making this day special for me (;

that's all, bye.

2011-01-30T22:40:00.000+08:00

birthday's tomorrow, so fast. LOL. my beloved clique gave me a surprise by coming over, LOL. so sweet (; hehehe, that's my birthday cake, from clique. idk why but i'm DAMN happy today okay! clique came over, had fun and all. then went out for dinner, and saw someone. that totally made my day along with the surprise.

Special thanks to my clique, Si Kai, Vanessa, Glenda, Mag, Livia, Verlene and to Venus who didn't turn up, but it's okay. THANKS ALOT. it's just not the same like last year's party. i'm so touched, really. and although i kinda spoilt the fun by knowing it beforehand, it was still a surprise and the thought really count. I LOVE YOU GUYS! best friends, forever and ever (;

bye.

2011-01-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

two more days to my birthday. sorry but i srsly don't want it to come, it's not that fun anymore. once my birthday reaches, it just means that january has passed, and we're moving on the second month of the year. sighs. tomorrow is the 30th, think my clique is planning something. HAHAHHA. so touched (; aiya don't want to spoil the fun so i guess i won't probe on it anymore, but i'm just glad that i won't be seeing you, and thanks, i'm really really very happy and astonished that... you actually remembered my birthday. didn't expect you to, like surely you have better stuff to remember other than a irritating girl's birthday. hahahaha, yeah. completed emaths, never felt so accomplished before, i'll do amaths tomorrow morning, my head can't seem to work at night >< bought a new box of film, fourteen dollars, no joke okay. i was desperate that's why i bought it at such a high price >< going to wait for daddy to come home and order the hundred films online, way cheaper and convenient man! sheesh. went to church today, had cate, wanted to attempt some amaths question before Novena started, but failed, hahahahah. didn't bother to. and oh! there was a cat in the church, scared the freak out of me. mocha didn't serve, kinda expected it. and valentines' day is on a monday, exactly two weeks after my birthday (: HAHAHHAHAHAHA. wonder what i should get for people. hahahaha, oh cny, i'm happy that i ran in the mornings for the past... two or three weeks, i didn't lose any weight luh, that would be a miracle, but i can run now, like getting better i hope. my dentist added a lot of wires to add pressure so that my stubborn teeth would shift, so i guess i won't be eating alot for cny? (; hahhahahaha! so much homework, it is somewhat killing me. my ears lobes are also giving me trouble, haven't been bleeding and now then you have to bleed again, when i want to put on my new ear ring -____-

but you made my day, by just simply initiating the convo, and remembering my birthday as well. sorry if i seem like i don't really care or withdrawn, i just want to be able to let go if you're leaving midyear. i love you, still do, still will i guess.

that's all i guess. catching eleven eleven then going to bed, super tired -..-

2011-01-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

okays. i'm stressed. idk how to do alot of maths and my tuition hours seems kinda little :/ ugh. five more days, i don't want it to come it'll just mean that you'll go off soon if it's confirmed. and i don't want to face the disappointment on that day when you forget that on that day it's my birthday. oh and SS isn't making my day as well, ugh. i prefer history srsly. so much easier to answer, okay i'll go attempt the darn thing again later. i hope i'll have sometime over the weekend to get some films, or someone willing to buy for me? hhahahaha, want to take alot on my birthday (;

omg there's this iphone user who keeps entering my blog at weird hours, using M1 i think. can tag? LOLOLOL. my tagboard kinda dead already :/

hahahah, yeahs. that's all. oh Rachel L, i miss you ):

2011-01-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

Daddy's birthday today (;

went for mass today, mocha served (; hehehehe, so cute <3 yeah, then went for late breakfast, came home, did my work, still haven't completed my homework though :/ finished cca stuff, phew. it's 10.30 and i'm tired ttm, been surviving on little sleep over the past two days. well, seems as though Jo is kinda okay with her new environment, that's a good thing i guess :/ chionging english now, ew. hate the subject, but i can't afford to not get a A2 for it, otherwise i'll die :/ yeah, got to push myself to read the newspaper and continue my love for books, but time isn't my best friend yknow. but everyone has twenty-four hours, just depends on how you use them right? bought earrings, and omg my darn ear kinda keeps bleeding -.- i think i took the stud too soon :/ hope it gets better and that it doesn't close, so troublesome everytime when it closes, have to push the ear stick through and blood will start to ooze out, ugh. okays that's all i guess, still have some work to do. byes.

thanks, your text really made my day, though it wasn't on purpose or anything (:

2011-01-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

my beloved Jo left today. i didn't send her to the departure area cos i know i'll start crying but i took the risk to bring home the regret i'll have for the rest of my life. i love you kiddo. you always make my day with your text even though most of them were asking me for help, but still. six years, together for six years, we always wish each other happy birthday every year, but this year, we won't be able to, heh. though you won't be reading this but i still want to say it here. i never regretted anything i did with you, even those times we hated each other, but after awhile we were okay again. our bond was the strongest amongst our clique, we stayed together even after we graduated from primary school. i'll miss you, i'll miss you loads, no one will talk to me the way you do forever and ever. have fun there, don't forget me, don't forget whatever we've been through tgt, six years, flooded with memories, and our sixth year only last for 22 days in Singapore. i'm sorry that i won't be able to attend your confirmation, i hope you'll come back for mine, then we can get confirmed together, heh. but you might not even be back, but nvm, at least i have something to look forward to at the end of the year (;

good luck babe, thanks for the moral support you gave me, as for mocha, i'll do something about it, i will. i love you, goodbye xoxo.

2011-01-22T21:42:00.000+08:00

okay, i guess you can call this a record, cos i didn't post a single post for a week, i think? hahahah. yeah, finally succeeded (; the whole week was tiring, srsly. run here and there, classes after classes. busy & exhausting. but it was fruitful i guess, did quite abit on my own, heh. yeah. didn't go church today, well i did for catechism, but not for mass, going tomorrow, i hope mocha serves (;

oh! and ytd, went to esplanade with clique to attend Livia's MTDC band graduation concert, damn nice luh (; hehehehe. saw quite a few band juniors, know them from council (: yeah, it was nice and refreshing. hahahaha. and finally bought my polaroid~ hehehehe (; damn ex luh, 119, then including GST, 127 -.-' and the film is like little loh, 10 pieces, have the urge to buy more, heh ;P

i don't know how much the part of me still wants you, but i want to give up. i want to let you go once and for all, i don't want to feel the hurt i'm feeling now, i don't want to be able to feel anymore. i don't want to love you anymore. it hurts yknow, it hurts every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second whenever i think of you and of how cold you are to me. perhaps, i do deserve the ignoring part, perhaps it's just your way to hint me that, hey it's time to let go, our relationship isn't working anymore. but i know once i let go, i won't have any directions in life, i won't be able to fall in love anymore, okay, maybeh it's not that serious but i have that kind of feelings yknow. you don't know how much you mean to me, i know i'm nothing, really i do, i know what nothing means.

my birthday's coming, nine more days going onto eight :/ i feel like committing suicide on my birthday, like don't you find it cool if you die on your birthday? your day of birth is the same as your death anniversary, so you don't need to celebrate either one of the events, death or birth. yesh, i am being pessimistic, i always am, i just don't show it. yeah. i just hope for one thing, that you'll remember my birthday, that'll be my this year birthday wish. and to my clique, don't remind that person, don't make this wish come true on purpose. i want it to happen naturally.

that's all i guess. going to post another blog post for another thing.

2011-01-16T22:33:00.000+08:00

went to church today, mocha & mud served ^^ didn't do much. third week of school starts tomorrow, i'm not looking forward. sighs. i just hope i'll be more productive during the week, that's all. bye.

i still love you, promise you i really do.

2011-01-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

didn't really go anywhere today, yeah surprisingly i didn't go church today nor attend the opening mass. sigh, cate classes starts next week, which means that i'll be all alone and have lesser time to do my homework :/ nothing much actually, just not really looking forward to the coming week, i feel stressed out by the fact that as each week past, we're getting nearer and nearer to our o's. yesh it may seem far, but yknow, 365 days passes at a speed when you don't even realise, like two weeks have already past, amazing isn't it?

i miss you. but i feel like as though i'm like kinda irritating you. i mean you're busy and all, so i guess i should really stop uh? okay maybeh not stop, but cut down i guess.

that's all. bye.

2011-01-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

thank God it's friday, so exhausted from the entire week. didn't go run today, though clique and i were suppose to go run, heh. next week we'll start it again. running before pe isn't ideal, well maybeh not for this week luh, legs still aching surprisingly :/ stayed back today for cca recruitment, omg this year sec ones are like so cute and innocent luh! hahahhahaha, but not my type don't worry ^^ anyways, during recess was selling stuff for fund-raising for ocip cambodiaaaa~ then it's like something epic happened during recess as well, rachel lim suddenly came up to me and said that there were people rumouring that we are a couple, OMG. it's so funnaye luh! i'm not going to clear my name here or anything, you guys can go rumour for all i care but only the both of us and our friends really know what's going on, so i don't really give it a damn luh. LOL. for the record, i completed i think most of my homework today with the lappie on~ heheheheh, it's an improvement (; i'm counting down to my birthday almost everyday and it's giving me stress, i'm not happy about turning a year older so early in the year while other people gets to turn older in the later parts! D:

physics is giving me plenty of stress, srsly. maths too, i need to learn in advance otherwise i doubt i'll be able to catch up ><

& yknow what, my beloved jo isn't going to be in s'pore anymore ): not even for my birthday, i hope i'll get over it, soon enough. sighs.

i miss you, i bet you don't even know what it feels like liking, no, loving someone you can never have in your entire life. i like it when you're nice to me, but i feel guilty after awhile, but i don't want you to stop as well, ugh, idk what i really want.

that's all, bye.

2011-01-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

okays, sorry for not updating, bet no one reads this blog anymore -.- heheheheh, okays, first two days of school, pressure starts coming on us bit by bit, especially maths, omg. it's like you either do well or you fail that kind of thing. physics' been, uhm, okay? like when it comes to the calculation parts then i won't fall asleep other than that i srsly would fall asleep in james wong's class and it's not a good thing, srsly -.- okay, pe today was okay... Miss Quek is abit, nuts luh, as usual if you get what i mean, running in the rain was fun? hahahahha, but after effects hitting me already :/ but who cares the weather was nice to run in luh (: omg, maths tomorrow, i think both e and a, hahaha, great, test somemore i think and yknow what, i haven't finished the sec four syllabus one and i still switched on the computer and typing this entry, heh.

okay, yesh i admit, well i always wanted to admit, i fell for someone i'm not suppose to, it's like almost illegal that kind of thing yknow? and when i was talking to rachel.l about valentines day, yesh i know it's a long long way to go, but trust me, time flies really fast, well yeah. we talked quite abit so that got me thinking again, yeah, valentines day, don't worry i guess, i'll probably never be able to say 'will you be my valentine' to that current special someone, wouldn't have the guts and it's wrong i guess and maybeh i'm afraid of being rejected which is a 100% thing cos yknow, i'm nothing to that person. just another ordinary human being that kind of thing. yeah, probably won't be able to sleep tonight again cos i'll be thinking too much.

going to run tomorrow again, heh, i feel refreshed when i run with my clique, am i suppose to feel that way? cos last year when i run i feel extremely tired after it, maybeh cos my stamina wasn't getting any better, but yeah. let's hope tomorrow will be fine, please don't rain, i'll just die or maybeh i'll go run in the rain if i can't take it. heh. yeah, that's all. ciaos.

2011-01-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

okays, the weekends seems to pass by super fast -.- tomorrow's monday alreadyyyyy :/ sian ttm can? sighs. so much to do tomorrow :/ need to learnt to really stop using my lappie during the weekends and start studying plus revising! >< idk what's with the early cny decorations in the malls and songs and everything, but isn't it abit too early for cny? i mean it's like in a few weeks time, well actually, 3 weeks to be more precise, what's the rush? well, yeah. today did a major shopping, super tired, omg. after i came out from the bathroom, my legs were numb -.- hahahhahahaha.

i am not looking forward to PE on tuesday and wednesday, don't ask me why. just, ugh, not looking forward to it. i have a bad feeling of what's coming my way :/

if you think whatever you're doing is going to make me continue believing in love and all, maybeh it's working, maybeh it's not. idk, it makes me happy, but at the same time, yknow, i'm like thinking it might not be sincere, like you're just doing it for the sake of doing it, cos i know at the end of the day, i don't mean anything to you, and that i know very well, where my status is in your life. but thanks for making the effort, i appreciate it.

that's all, bye.

2011-01-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

okays, sorry for not updating, heheh. yeah, past few days super hectic, been staying back and all for sec one orientation, then today for cca fair and then helped out in the secondary one info night, heh. came back at only nine? yeah. happy and all. but actually i'm not that happy, but yeah, not going to say anything here, except for, maybeh it's time for me to give up on love, it's not working for me. someone once told me not to give up on love & romance but to continue believing in it, it's almost impossible, sorry, i'm not going to believe in love anymore, sooner or later i guess, there are just too many unhealed wounds & i guess i just need time before (if) i'm going to start loving again. that's all, bye.

2011-01-04T18:07:00.000+08:00

first day of school, somewhat unfamiliar with my current classmates, environment and the idea of me being a fifteen year old & a secondary three student. stressed up as always, looking at the biology textbook given by Faith's elder sister, all the notes are scaring me, like srsly. and okay, we're absolutely not fated, was looking for someone the entire day but yknow what, just can't seem to catch that person at the correct time, ugh. i'll probably try tomorrow or something but yknow, if tomorrow i can't catch that person again, i'm giving up, really giving up. anyways, tomorrow have game station duty for secondary one orientation ^^ and i thought i wasn't involved at all -.- but yeah. hahahah. okays, that's all i guess, off to do some work cos i'll be missing lessons tomorrow, awesome (; hahahah, byes.

Rachel Lim, i miss you ttm. 3A is super duper quiet like shitz, srsly -.-

2011-01-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

tomorrow's the start of a new school term, i'm scared. cos i know time is going to pass as quickly as it did in 2010 :/ i should probably start reading novels to brush up my language, yeah. i'm stressed up. super stressed up, and i'm not joking nor exaggerating. sighs. okays, i kinda like the first image i posted, hehehehe. it's soooo awesome when i came across it! ^^ oh yeah, timetable is out, i don't like it. ttm kind of thing. and it's SO not fate luh, please. when i saw the name i felt like crying, why must God play with me and my feelings. ARGH. okays, that's all. i'm going to live with whatever God has planned for me, i don't believe in fate, well, not always, but sometimes i do, i believe that everything happens for a reason instead, hahahah. bye.

2011-01-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm going to give up on looking for images to fill this blog post -..- internet is loading super duper slow. okays, today, went to cut my hair, it's soooo short now, but obviously still can tie, but yeah :/ i just wanted it to be thinned down but it got cut short instead and not much thinned down :// yeahh, but nvm, what's done can't be undone. then went to paya lebar then to city hall then to tiong. at tiong got my ears pierced, pain but totally stinging luh, okay, maybeh i was kinda exaggerating my type of pain in the texts to SK & V meimei, but it's srsly pain okay ): i totally froze when he punched the hole, and i took of my specs couldn't bare to see anything >< sighs, my guts so small, but yeah. abit like injection like that, but more pain? hahahah, but it should be a piece of cake actually, i mean after i went through so much, injections after injections, my braces- the tightening of my teeth, and my oral surgery, this shouldn't be so bad after all yknow? (;

okays, i realised, well not just, but quite a long time ago, when i start to think alot, i tend to miss someone, very very badly. and once i start missing that person, i keep thinking of the day when that person leaves, how am i going to survive after that person's departure. how that there'll be an empty spot everywhere i go. it's no joke. emptiness plus loneliness. hahaha, awesome. okays, i'll stop being emo, byes.

2011-01-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

first day of the year, ugh. 30 more days to my birthday which sucks, so old -.- anyways, caught both 1111s and 1234s today. yeahh, cos it's the first day of the year. and also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA! ;D
hahahaha, i think my phone is going to spoil soon with all that playing -..- yeahhh. someone knows my birthday, and that sucks :/ don't feel like celebrating it anymore, and sk says i'm crazy, yeah i think i am -..- but on the bright side, one more person knowing would mean that i'll get another present? heheheehe, i don't mind O: but sadly my birthday's on a monday this year. then still have cca, omg. i can so die -___- hahaha, okays. that's all. school's starting in.... 3 days, well almost 2 days time. ugh. okays. that's all. bye.

2010-12-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

it's the last day of the year. yeah sad and everything and it's weird to say tomorrow is next year already. okay going to cram everything into this blog post, trying to make it quick and fast cos 2011 is coming already.

This year was one that was eventful, fun-filled, fulfilling and of course meaningful. this year got my second major crush - grass, yesh i still remember, but i never forgotten mocha hehehe (; yeah, it was my first year as a trainee student leader had alot of values and rules plus morales i had to uphold, there was pressure as my performance mattered before the confirmation of getting into council. yeah, took part in yog closing ceremony. was tough, time consuming, painful? but of course it was totally fun, spent so much quality time with the teachers and our classmates, got to know them better as well. so when everything ended, it was hard to let go, all those memories will forever be etched in my heart and memory. exams came as well, due to yog alot of us had to mug like crazy to get the grades we needed and wanted so that we could get into our ideal class and combination of our own choice, streaming and all. i personally did well, due to the leniency of most of the teachers marking. confirmation of getting into council was also scary, had to go through an interview and all, got into council, bought our first whites, went on a few events with them. had fun, made more friends along the way. then had patron's day and all, investiture as well. yeah, then went to Cambodia for an OCIP trip, was fun, meaningful, taught me plenty of life values as well. then went to taiwan for my hols, before that, did my wisdom tooth surgery, the first surgery i ever had or something major besides when i fractured my leg back in 2006 :/ yeah. came back celebrated christmas, got my new phone. that's how my year went. short and sweet uh? ^^

as of now, i'm just enjoying the last less than half an hour of reflection of 2010 and awaiting for the new 2011. sad, yesh i have to admit. so many things took place this year, it's really hard to let go of everything or even anything that took place this year. so many crushes, scandal, controversy, memories, friends and enemies created and found. good or bad, it's still hard to let go. not much new year resolutions, well, i just want to be happy that's all? as well as for everyone, yknow, the same old wish everyone would want to wish, be happy, do well in studies, make more friends, let the year be nice to them. guess it's just how you use your time and which path you want to take to make things happy or not right?

sadly, it's really my last post of the year, yeah, so fast right? i only started like last May? and it's almost two years since i started blogging. well, i guess that's all? need to send out new year texts soon (; so yeah.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE, MAY 2011 BRING YOU MORE AND MANY MEANINGFUL, FUN-FILLED AND FULFILLING EVENTS AND MEMORIES JUST LIKE 2010 DID (;

2010-12-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

i'm not going to ask for anything else, just that, really, that's all.

Watching KBS Song Festival nowwwww, LIVE MANX! ^^ damnnnn happy, omg. Jokwon just now sing Baby by JB was SOOOOO LOL luh xD hahahahha! went to school for cca, was nicer than i thought it would be hahahah! saw some people, then met up with Rachel L after her dental and all that, hahaha. then drank a drink, chat abit then went back. went out for dinner and all. my internet connection isn't that great after all >< sighs. okays. tomorrow's the last day of the year, hahaha, so fast. so sad. going to write a long long post tomorrow, i think. hahaha, that's all. bye.

2010-12-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

why do i keep trying, when i already know the outcome?

today's the 29, wow. so fast, 3 more days and it'll be the end of the year, sighs. going back to school tomorrow, hehehehhehehe. not excited about cca, but something elseeee (; hhehehehe.
oh and i know the pervert on The Straits Times on page 3, hahahahha. knew him habbo as well. hahahahahha. wts. okays. that's all, bye.

2010-12-27T22:06:00.000+08:00

you wouldn't, cos you found your own 'the one' already

amazingly, it's the second day of Christmas already, ten more to go, four more days to the end of the awesome 2010, and five more days to welcome 2011, sighs. i'm not looking forward to any of the changes. school's going to start soon, well, one week from now to be exact. not exactly looking forward, have to face teachers, new classmates, homework and projects, plus upcoming duties. sighs. but, yknow what, this is called life, where everything still has to go on, time will still pass by and probably, 2011 will end without me knowing again. and heys, let's welcome 2012 aka O's year. sighs. yeah, okay, don't want to talk about time and life anymore. i just want to say, if one day, i ever give up on love, reason will probably kinda obvious. yeah, call me emo or whatever, but i'm having such thoughts, love maybe just doesn't exist for me, like yknow, all those crushes, puppy love and everything, it just goes down to having a one-sided relationship, i'll never have the courage to confess or whatever, pride, yes, pride. and not just one-sided relationship, it's also love that is forbidden. i'm not implying anything fyi. just yknow, okay, maybe it's not forbidden love but more of unrequited love, love that will never reciprocated, in even simpler terms, love that will never be given back or returned to the person. am i not right? some people are just not as lucky as others, to have the person they desire to have or love, to reciprocate the feelings. hahahahha, okay, i think i'm speaking chim-alogy ;P kaykays, that's all i guess. WAIT. NO. NOT YET! HAHAHAH.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OK TAECYEON! ♥
You're LOVED FOREVER & EVERRRRRRR!!
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

that's all, HEHEHEH, byes ^^

2010-12-26T22:19:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas people! hahahhaah. sorry for the late greeting, been sleeping early cos got to get up early as well. hehehe, got my new phone ^^ friggin happy, after queuing outside Starhub for two hours early Christmas morning, it's worth it! and yknow what's the best part, i got the third last and second last phone, and the last phone of the day went to the lady behind me, hahahahha. i feel so fat after all the food consumed over the past few days :/ prolly going to start doing sit-ups, can't be bothered to go for a run although the stadium is just nearby, heheheh. ohhhh! Chel finally found glow in the dark stickers ^^ heheheh, now they're on my ceilinggg~ can stare at them before i go to bed, kekekeke~

the greatest regret in life, is separation even before saying goodbye. it's true i guess, and sad, to think that it's gone even before the goodbye :/ sighs, okays, i'm like nuts >< yeah, that's all. bye.

2010-12-24T16:15:00.000+08:00

hellossss! back from taiwan, hehehehe. the weather there is like super duper cold -.- hahah, yeah. enjoyed it, shopped quite abit, but it was all winter clothes so it was kinda limited, bought a hell lot of phone covers, heheheheh, i hope i'll be able to get my phone tomorrow, cross fingers and toessss (; hehehhehe. hmmm.. missed alot of people while i was over there, (obvious right?) texted a few, hope my bill won't be a bomb when i receive my statement :/ and guess what, tomorrow's christmas already! gosh. time really flies past, and after a few days, school's going to reopen :/ and i'm going to turn a year older soon too ): sighs.. going for mass tonight, i want to go to BSC! and thank God we're going there, cos my parents initially wanted to go to St. Theresa's :/ hehehhe. it's so warm in s'pore -.- i like taiwan's weather/temperature, so coolinggg~ heheh. okays, going to wake up super early tomorrow then i go get my phone, then have christmas dinner i think with my cousinssss ^^ heheheh. yeah, that's all i thinkkk.. keep thinking that today's saturday and tomorrow's sunday -.-
okay, all thanks to going to taiwan, suddenly like got the urge to listen to chinese songs again :/ issit a good thing? hahahhahaha. but the songs are nice luhhh (; heheh. okays, that's all. byeeee.

2010-12-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

saw the video for OCIP Cambodia III 2010, done by Rachel Ng. the video was PURE AWESOME. damn nice, gave me the feeling of nostalgia, i want to go back to cambodia, srsly. i miss that place, the kids, the people, the lifestyle, those times and memories. sighs. going to Taiwan tomorrow, will be back on thursday? yeah, late at night. i think i'll have fun there? hahaha, i'll try to bring my lappie there ^^ hehehehe. i miss people already. like yknow who. although you were only online for a while, talked abit, but i miss you already ); yeah, i guess i'm going to catch 1111 and i'm off to bed. need to wake up super early for morning flight, still need to transit at HK -.- sheesh. yeahhhh, what else... i think i'm getting my new phone the day after i'm back? if it's not out of stock luh, hhahahahhaha. yeahhh~ sighs. i'm going to text alot tomorrow morning, but i guess i'm not going to expect any replies? should i text that person? *wink wink* maybeh not luh. hahahah. idk, sighs.

went to church today, instead of paying attention during sermon, i was thinking about yog - closing ceremony, cambodia, whatever happened during the year. probably it's time to think about the year, reflect. think. reminisce. everything just seemed to pass by very fast. guess what? 7 more days to christmas. it's like so fast. then my birthday is coming. then cny, then valentines day, then ca1, then school stuff, friends' birthdays, then myes, then june hol. mugging time, then national day, then ca2, then teachers' day, then patron's day, then eoys, results, then school hol. leadership modules/training/seminars, then christmas. then another year ends and a new starts. fast uh? sighs.

time, slow down. you're going too fast, i can't seem to catch up. i don't want to go.

okays, i should be doing all this on the last post of the year, not now. hahahah. wth. okays, that's all. byes.

2010-12-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

been awhile since i posted so many images in one blog post. i'll talk about my day & about ytd then the rest of the emotions and explanations will follow? hahahah. went out with clique to Nex at Serangoon. hahaha, ate at Ajisen Ramen, i paid the bill, it was just boomzxc. hahahahaha. $74.85, awesome right? and there were like only 5 bowls of noodle -.- but wtv, the volcano was nice, but kinda spicy. hehehehe. then went to Shaw cinema to watch Narnia. we were planning on having a movie marathon i think, but yknow, a few of us had curfews and by the time Narnia started it was like 1.15pm? so it was like almost impossible to watch a second film, sad.. we should do it next year though ^^ LOLOLOL. hmmmmm, Narnia was nice, could have cried at the last part but didn't, i think Aslan is SUPER DUPER COOL. hahahha, yeah, i sound like someone who never watched Narnia before -.- but yeah, I WANT TO HUG A LION LIKE HOW LUCY DID! ;D although the image of Aslan is like fake? LMAO. yeahhhhh~ then walked around, then went to look for sogurt (sorry if the spelling is wrong, HEH) yeah, but in the end couldn't find it so we settled for another frozen yogurt shop, it was like, when we entered, totally nobody was patronising them? then after we started buying it and everything, people then started coming in, WTH -____- totally like Singaporeans man, hahahhaha. yeah, then went back, then didn't eat dinner, totally no appetite, then went for penitential service, then bus-ed home. yeah.

ytd, went back to school, met Nurul at commonwealth to get Athirah's textbooks and then waited for Rachel. L for like half an hour till i could see her shadow on the platform. but wtv. then went down to school, passed the books and everything then went to Koufu to chill out with RL then went home. okay, yknow, it's like we're totally not fated TTM kind of thing? if you know whom i'm talking about, just keep your comments and thoughts to yourself, it's much appreciated ^^ in simple terms, don't want to say too much later cause an unnecessary controversy, they left school when we entered it. DONE. ugh, stupid.

okays, now onto my emotions. in one word to summarise everything, MIXED. i'm having mixed emotions, i don't what to do, don't know what to feel, don't know what's my life purpose anymore, and i'm sick and tired of waiting. SRSLY. i'm not asking you to chat with me everyday, at least reply the texts like how you used to? okay, maybeh, you're tired, busy, have plenty of things on your hand or maybeh just can't be bothered, i can understand, but i don't really appreciate it yknow? i know you didn't ask me to wait or wtv shit, but still... nvm, don't want to talk about it, it just makes me feel kinda sad and neglected, like how all teenagers would feel. just hope this feelings and mixed up emotions would pass and i'll be able to see the end of the tunnel and continue my journey towards it again, if yknow what i mean. hahahha.

yeah, that's all. bye.

2010-12-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

nothing much today. super boring. going to school tomorrow for obvious reasons. hope i'll be able to catch a glimpse of who i wish to see, but yknow, it's all fated and in God's hands. but i really hope so (; that's all. bye.

maybeh i'm being paranoid and all or over-thinking things or whatsoever. but yeah, we're drifting apart and i don't like it very much. i want to talk to you like how we used to, yknow, like have somewhat plenty of topics to talk about but maybeh that's just cos there isn't much topics cos it's the hols and everything. but i hope that when school starts, everything can be normal again? i want to see you, i want to look at you and i guess i'll feel better i guess.

2010-12-12T23:09:00.000+08:00

went out and all today. refilled my sticky jar. disco rock and lemonnnn ^^ chatting with beloved Vanessa nowwww (; Jo's leaving before my coming birthday. i'm going to miss the shit out of her. but in life we just sometimes, have to let go of the things even if they hold the closest place in our hearts. sigh. i'll miss her. no one to talk to me, no one to face Mocha with me. to share and gossip about the church boys and everything. sighs. mixed feelings. i don't know how to explain it. and i think the puppy in the image is CUTE TTM ^^ hehe. okays. that's all. bye.

2010-12-11T21:22:00.000+08:00

got my stitches removed, super duper happy about it (; can like finally open my mouth and fit a chinese soup spoon in, HAHHAHAHA. wth right? xP yeah, after appointment, headed down to orchard - taka, and did some christmas shopping, spent srsly alot. but all worth it ^^ yeahhh, then headed down to city hall, bought stuff and chewy juniorrrr ^^ zomg, i'm so happy i can finally eat like normally, well almost normally now. but the empty slot at the back of mouth is like weird, if yknow what i mean :// sighs. i want new shoes, maybeh new clothes and a bag. hahaha. i want my new phone soonnnnn, i hope it doesn't run out of stock -_______- that's all i guess. bye.

this would be very very greedy but, i wish i'll be able to receive more text from you and yknow, by some luck and chance, you won't get irritated by me and stop talking to me and all that. sighs.

2010-12-10T22:36:00.001+08:00

another boring day as usual. hahahah. yesterday i was super duper high, hahaha. don't ask me why, some stuff are just meant for a few people to know *wink wink* hahahahaha. yeah. so happy till even my text which is what i usually text, even Vanessa and SK could tell that i'm damn happy. hahahaha. wth luh -_______- i got that emo meh the past few days/ weeks?! :/ been catching 12.34 for quite a few nights with Vanessa and SK ^^ but side-effect is that i get super tired during the day. ugh. but wtv luh. for the fun of catching it (; hahahah. Chel is just super awesome! hahahah. cos she went out today, then she called home, then i thought something happened, then she was like : Jiejie, which 2PM album you want arh? as a Christmas present? and i was like HUH?! then she gave me the choices, so she got me the Don't Stop Can't Stop album. MUAHAHHAHAHA, i'm the happiest eldest sister in the world! ;D now's my turn to go look for the SHINee Hello album. sighs. anyone knows where to get it? tag me or msn or facebook me or sms me if you have my number. heheheh. yeah. tomorrow's the day i remove my stitches. had a good look at it today. SUPER GROSS TTM OKAY -.- hahaha. yeah. i bet it's going to bleed or something tomorrow. ugh.

OH YEAH. LOOKING FOR SEC 2 EXPRESS TEXTBOOKS OF THE VARIOUS SUBJECTS : MATHS ( A & B) , SCIENCE (A & B), LITERATURE (MINING FOR MEANING), HISTORY AND GEOGRAPHY! if anyone's willing to give, text me or tag me. THANKS.

that's all. byebye.

i still miss you alot although you're much closer now. sighs. i know you're reading this, cos it's kinda obvious and everything. heh. just yknow, hope one day, you'll tell me that you actually read my blog and everything. and whatever i guessed is really happening and not coincidence.

2010-12-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

i want all the sweet things in life, but only by your side

went over to G's met up with SK, Mag, L & V meimei, today to celebrate her younger sister's ninth birthday (: it was awesome, but weird and abit painful? hahahah. we made our own sushi again, and yknow what's the best part, i couldn't chew the sushi very well, but yeah, survived, HEH. ate other stuff like grass jelly, nuggets and fries, GOD! that sounds super fattening, IKR -.- but yeah, then played abit of twister - fail ttm xP, bingo and block catching. hahahahah. then played with Mag's hamsterrrr and G's crab, gawd, i almost typed prawn -.- hahahaha. wth. yeah, then cut G's sister's cake, ate it then after awhile made our way back.

swells coming down, actually it didn't swell as bad as i expected (; but it's good right? hahaha. still abit pain, i can open my mouth slightly wider now, but it's still kinda considered small, cos i can't put the chinese kind of soup spoon into my mouth >< i'm still using the darn metal spoon. sighs. and i'm like eating up my words, so my speech is like kinda mumbled and mashed up -,- going to remove my stitches soon, well this sat luh, but i'm scared ugh. my life got literally scarred during the oral surgery -________- the sounds, gosh, the horror! ://

oh, last night, i had the weirdest dream. srsly the weirdest. won't say anything about it on here though, HAHAHHA. but to those who know, it's weird. but keep it to yourselves. don't want the weirdness spreading ><

hehehehe. that's all. byeeee (;

2010-12-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

swelling's much better. just hope that it'll subside tomorrow. sighs. Angel came over to send her ocip stuff, heh. then she went back. couldn't really eat anything, i want eggssss!! ); so long never had them liao, and we didn't buy them when we were at the grocery store >< yeah. hehehe, tonight, i want to try to sms someone till i fall asleep O: anyone willing? ^^ yeah, that's all i guess (;

i bet you are totally sick of me now, totally no topic and i'm one wording you like always. sighs. i'm sorry, i don't know what else to say. shouldn't even have initiated the convo when we first met or got closer at least :/ ps. i still love you.

2010-12-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

had my wisdom tooth extracted ytd, through a surgery, hurt like shitz ytd, but better now. still can't really talk or eat. my life hasn't actually been very interesting or whatsoever for the past two days? oh just now, when i was showering, i forced my mouth open to see the plight of my mouth, OMG. yknow the stitches in my mouth are like black i think? or dark blue in colour, damn disgusting >< and my wisdom tooth is SUPER DUPER BIG! no joke. yup, i hope the swelling would subside soon, my right cheek there damn stiff. ugh. and i want to go to G's house on wednesdayyyyy!!! >< have to get well sooonnnn! (; kekekeke~

we're drifting apart to those who know whom i'm talking about. we have like almost no more topics to talk about anymore. distance really affects our whatever-ship you might call it. and whatever that is happening is what i'm most afraid of when we started chatting. sighs.

that's all. bye.

2010-12-03T23:08:00.001+08:00

woke up early, went to school to buy books and all that. then packed my stuff and headed to harbourfront to meet up with Mag & V to go to Livia's place for christmas bash cum Mag's birthday celebration! hehehe. okays, took mrt to seng kang then lrt. saw Livia, then saw G & Vanessa. they were like wearing christmas hats? LOLOLOL. damn epic! and funnyyyy! hahaha. yeah. then went to Livia's place. talked and her house was very christmassy? hahahaha. yeah. then gave Mag her birthday present, sk FINALLY came. heh. and she forgot to bring the presents, damn fail. hahahaha. but nvm luhhh (; at least she brought Mag's ULTIMATE AWESOME PRESENT! which was a hamster, damn cute one. but i'm scared of it, especially if it drops on the floor or something, the squashed image of the chick when i was younger is still ringing in my head >< yeah, then ate, opened presents! omg, damn nice okays! a million thanks to everyone for their presentsss!!! ;D sorry if mine wasn't as nice, like compared to everyone's mine is like, UGH, unable to compare loh ): yeah. then went to Serangoon Central to walk abit then made my way home. tomorrow's the surgery, damn scared, i want to listen to music during it, i don't want to see anything and hear anything loh! can imagine the amount of blood and the pain :// sighs. okays. still haven't done the ocip reflections >< think i'll do it tomorrow or something. okays, that's all, byesss (:

2010-12-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

woke up, did some work then went to school to pass Angelica's sock to her, then bus-ed back, sk came over then we went to Plaza Sing to have dinner then to Singapore Arts Museum to attend G's concert. omg. it was like damn nice can! hahahaha. totally enjoyed myself. then after it ended, walked around Plaza Sing then finally made our way home. omg. Each a cup is DISGUSTING! no offence. srsly, don't like it. totally UGH. i think Koi is even better than them loh -.- okays, that's all i guess. HEH.

i miss you, a lot. but i know i don't mean anything to you in the first place so i should probably just stop uh?

2010-11-30T20:06:00.000+08:00

last day of november already. still have loads of follow-ups to do for ocip -,- i'm counting down to christmas already, HEH. tomorrow's glenda's concert, meeting up with sk ^^ then this friday going over to livia's to celebrate christmas cum mag's birthday (; and on mag's birthday, is my the day i go for the op, how wonderful. hahaha. okays. wtv. that's all i guess. heh. byes.

2010-11-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

back from OCIP Cambodiaaaa~ it was friggin awesomee! i miss cambodia loads already. heh. i'm prolly not going to blog about what happen but yeah, i'm going to upload all the nice photos on facebook, i'll probably put up the link as well. so that you guys can see it for yourselves how much fun i had there. the people there are like SO nice, the niceness is something you can never find in S'pore, srsly, not trying to insult or anything but you'll see a great difference if you see it with your own eyes. anyways, all my photos are according to S'pore time, so if you want the cambodian time, it would just be one hour slower. just going to say some stuff i saw in cambodia that really hit me. yknow motor bikes right? usually in s'pore the max number of passengers you see is just two person right? yknow in cambodia, it's almost normal to see three or an entire family sitting on one motor bike and travelling around the city? and they don't have proper traffic system YET you don't see accidents occurring. they know what's courtesy and giving way, not being so competitive and i think that's one thing Singaporeans especially teenagers these days should learn. cambodia isn't a country you might expect such respect and behaviour but yeah, it happened, i've been seeing it with my own two eyes for the past eight days, and i really think singaporeans should work on being NICE. oh! and yknow in s'pore, it's very seldom you see people driving Lexus' cars right? and maybe just a couple of mercedes when you're driving and mostly the cars are hondas, toyotas, mazdas and hyundai right? but in cambodia 98% of the cars consist of Lexus and mercedes yknow?! it's like so omg. not that i look down on them or anything it's just shocking if you get me. HEH. yeah. it's like so cool! been using a mercedes mini-van for the entire trip, damn nice okay! hahhaha.

fell ill, i'm going to bed soon. i'll go and sleep after 11.11. heh. okays. that's all. bye.

2010-11-21T10:21:00.000+08:00

just a few more hours till i leave my house to go to the airport and off i go to cambodia. sighs. i'll miss people. alot of people. but i think i'll have plenty of fun there, LOLOLOLOL. i'll try to snap as many photos as possible. i just hope my camera batt won't die on me, especially when we're in the village. zomg. yeah, teachers' conference also have to snap alot. hahaha. okays, that's all. i promise i'll get souvenirs for you people, people referring to my clique, friends out of my clique and that person. LOL. okays, that's all, see you on the 28th. hahaha. byesss ^^

2010-11-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

sorry for not updating these few days. hehe. thursday (18/11/10) hahahhaha, had grad day and prom duty. grad day was crazy, stood outside the hall for... about three hours straight, in courts somemore! omg, want my life luh. yeah, then went back with Angelica. walked home in courts, i think i was literally crazy that day. LOL. yeah, then went to the salon to get my hair braided, heh. then bus-ed to Angel's house and cab down to the hotel. yeah, met Nurul, Amanda & Nadia. Mavis and Rachel came in late, then they missed the briefing cos Rachel was putting on her contacts -..- but then it brought her discomfort so she took them out in the end. yeah, then had lucky draw table job with Rachel. omg. it was like damn tiring, but Miss Donna Koh was entertaining, hahahahahaha. yeah, then went in kind of late, they kept giving out awards. LOL. then the entire ballroom became a club in a split second -..- it was deafening luh. then went back. yeah. friday, tuition got cancelled ^^ then chionged the project, went to school for compulsory ocip briefing then came home chionged it again. slept at 1 last night doing it. and yknow i haven't even finished then i went to bed, ugh. yeah, then this morning quickly packed my bag cos i haven't packed yet, then chionged it. by the afternoon finally got it doneeeee ;D yeah, she says it's okay, after i say it's messy, she said, yeah it was abit only. but still! i think i did quite a bad job with it ): damn messy luhhhh D:

ocip tomorrow. those who read my blog, kindly don't text me. my bills will be boomzxc if you do. heh. i think during ocip, i'm going to suffer quite abit. changed my braces, they added a lot more wires making it even tighter :// damn pain nowww ); yeah, packed extra milo packets and coffee ones as well. lol. and guess what! my op is on mag's birthday! hahahhaha. oral surgery, nothing big. ugh, but i wouldn't be able to talk for AT LEAST three days. fml. i think i'll die out of not being able to talk and pain :///

i'm worried for ocip. yeah, i told sk, if i die there, she must must must attend my funeral. LOLOLOL. i'm worrying too much right? hahahaha.

okays, that's all i guess. sighs. only will be able to update next week. ugh. must keep the tags coming in okay! ;P heheh. kaythanksbyeeee (;

2010-11-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

woke up went to IMM to get my books then came home, did abit of the project then made my way to meet clique at ion, then mrt-ed to plaza sing. hehe, walked around then settled at Swensens to celebrate G's birthday with a cake. heh. one slice but yeah, we ordered four cookie monsters and one cookies and cream mudpie, hahahahah. yeah, we wanted to borrow the lighter, took forever to come. tsk. i think the guy didn't understand english so it took forever to come, but in the end, the senior manager lit the candle for us, then sang the birthday with us too ^^ hahahahha. so nice of himmm! yeah, then we used the candles mag brought which were the candles that couldn't be extinguished hehe. yeah, but the first candle was damn fail. G just blew once and it went off -.- yeah, then we lit again, hahaha. videos' up on facebook (: yeah, then played around then went back. sigh. then went out for dinner, then came back. started on the project again, can't seem to find quite alot of photos and i can't seem to contact her -..- stressed. tomorrow is gone, grad day in the morning and prom at night. friday, tuition in the morning, & yknow the best part, i haven't done a single work yet. UGH. okay, then ocip training in the afternoon. and i think i'm going to forgo the last lesson of catechism class on saturday, i don't have anymore time. and one image takes forever to get in. and i have like fourteen collages i have to include into the banner?! omg, my head is going to crack. super duper stress, i haven't packed my stuff for ocip YET, but kinda started already. ughhh. why did i procrastinate last week, could have done and passed it up a long time ago, and now i can be happily packing, but NO, i'm stressed over my extremely packed schedule and oh yeah, i forgot, i've got dental in the evening on friday. fml. ugh. yeah, stressed. i need sleep, i'm like dying. i'm going to procrastinate and do the project tomorrow, i'll find some time, someway or another. ugh. as for packing, i guess friday or saturday? sigh. okays, that's all. bye.

i have a feeling, and that feeling is telling me i'm irritating the shit out of you and that you are kinda angry and pissed with me. idk. everything you say is like super cold. prolly that's cos you're sick and there's alot in your hands, but...

2010-11-15T22:06:00.000+08:00

went to school for cca, was kinda slack LOL. streaming results came out earlier than expected, got into 3A, but G and Vanessa didn't get in D; they got into 3B but with triple science. this year, they allowed 60 pupils to get the triple science course, yeah. sighs. so sad we're not in the same class ); but nvm, we can work hard together next year ^^ had lunch with V, Sk & Mag at anchorpoint. hahaha, talked quite abit. yeah, then went home and got ready to go out to meet Rachel to go to Bugis to attend the David Archuleta's fansigning. was boomzxc. TTM. super crowded, well not really but crowded luh, but yeah, kinda crowded. LOLOLOL. Rachel didn't get her album autographed but we took alot of photos in return, then hung out for a while then Rachel's dad drove me back to the mrt and made their way back. i felt so bad luh, cos like, it wasn't part of their route to get home :/ tomorrow, rehearsal's at 9, ocip training at 10, zomg. want my life issit? still not done with the project assigned, i'm like super stressed over it. ugh, ocip is coming in like 6 days from today luh. and the rest of the days is like super packed, where in the world am i going to find the time to do it >< but, nvm, i'll find some time and even if i have to cough out some time just to do it, i guess i just have to. heh. oh, and David Archuleta is srsly nice-looking in real life, like srsly. LOL. first time got so up-close to an artiste, hahahha. yeahs, that's all. disappointed and stuff, sigh. don't need to know why, just yeah, shouldn't expect anything in the first place i guess. yeah, that's all. kthxbai.

2010-11-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

okays, hmmmm. today, woke up went to run, FAIL TTM -..- ugh, i think i need to go to the stadium to run more often, sighs. okay. went to tampines to celebrate my grandaunt's birthday. was intending to go over to sk's but in the end, didn't cos it was kinda late and the rest were like leaving already :/ but nvm, another day i guess. going to school for cca tomorrow, sian ttm. then i guess i'm accompanying Rachel to collect class tee? LOL. yeah, then i'll come back and everything. sigh. need to start packing, leaving next sunday. i'm stressed. i'm scared. but for now, i'm happy (; tomorrowwwwwww <3 hahahah. was watching Shrek 3 just now, reminded me of some stuff ;P teehee. okays. that's all i guess. i'll have someone to entertain me from tuesday onwards, WOOTS ^^

kthxbai.

ps. this is for sk.
YO PEOPLE! KINDLY GO TO THIS URL AND TAG AND READ ^^
the-emblemofmylife.blogspot.com
THANK YOUUUUSSS! (;

2010-11-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

finished filing my past six months work already. heh. took me forever. yeah, went out for lunch shortly then to church. last lesson, well, next week is the 'official' last lesson luh, but next week is Thanksgiving Mass so don't have the classroom kind of lesson, so sad. i think i'll miss my teacher :P yeah, then went straight to church and continued reading my book while waiting for Novena to start. and during the sermon, Fr. Anthony told us about him coming across Pope Benedict's letter, i think the question that the Pope asked was kind of cute, and meaningful i guess. He asked, what if we had eternal life on Earth, and we didn't die, everything would just be the same forever and ever, same friends, food, entertainment so on and so forth. but the gist of it is, would you be happy or sad? and he went on and on, and i kept thinking and thinking. if life went on forever, like how it's said in the bible, that after we die, we'll have eternal life? but now it's that we don't even die, would we be happy or sad. frankly speaking, i'm not even sure if i'll be happy or sad, cos it never happened to me, so i guess my answer would most likely be different when i really experience it. but it's cool, yknow, to actually question oneself, whether you'll be happy or sad if you had eternal life on Earth. i'm not going against anything just to make it clear, just wondering (: saw Mocha before entering the church for Mass, his family attended, Mud was there ^^ but he didn't attend ): sigh. but yeah. i guess he's the reason as to why i respect crushes and love so much. his presence reminds me of stuff, especially when i'm thinking too much. hahahaha. yeah. tomorrow i have to attend one of my relative's birthday party, initially i was suppose to meet up with clique to go to ecp to cycle, but i have to see how for tomorrow :/ ugh. ohh, and i'm counting down, to what if you ask, it's pretty obvious so i won't say anything (; kekekeke~

yeahs, that's all. i think. kthxbai.

2010-11-12T21:56:00.000+08:00

went for NE course today at Singapore Discovery Centre. zomg. the course was superrrrrr boring -..- me and rachel were like falling asleep here and there. hahaha. yeah. it was a long long day. going well cos Nurul & Rachel was there ^^ kekekeke~ yesterday, Rachel & Mavis came over, initially to do the photoshop thingy but in the end, they found something else to do. so wasted our afternoon doing the unimportant thing. HEH. so Rachel is coming over next monday? LOL. oh yknow, last night, LIKE FINALLY, Rachel's mom gave the green light for her to go to prom, then it's like, we thought all 40 places were taken up. so today, we 'begged' Sheryl to get her a place. and it's like, we have 29 people, add in the council another 10, so 39 and the last place was like just there for her man! HHAHAHAHA. super lucky luh she. fated to go for prom ^^ i'm kinda excited though it's not my graduating year luh. HEH. oh, and come to think of it, i'm leaving next sunday and i have NOT started packing yet :/ so dead. better start packing soon. my days next week are so packed ):

sighs. okays. just a few more days. then end of torture ;P
kthxbai.

2010-11-10T22:13:00.000+08:00

i'm a happy girl today ^^ hehehe. don't need to ask or know whyyyy, i'm just happy C:
met up with Rachel after her guitar to hand up the form, hope MF (male) gets it. yeah. the workshop is on friday! hahaha. yeah, then went to Long John to have lunch then came home. Rachel's coming over tomorrow to do the project with me ^^ okays. that's all. i hope SK makes a blog. REALLY REALLY HOPE she'll make a blog (; hahah, kays. that's all. bye.

2010-11-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

Be my other half, will you?

today, didn't go to school to hand in the form in the end, probably going back tomorrow or something. LOL. yeah. hmmmmm.... didn't do much till my adobe finally came during noon. starting to work on the projects assigned already. yeah, i'm stressed. cos the photoshop isn't the same version as the one i previously used, zomg. but yeah, completed one already, but i have a feeling that i'll need to re-do it. heh. nvm, it's okay i guess. at least it gives me something to do. hahahhaha. okays. that's all i think. hehehe. byes.

i'm missing you friggin badly. but at the same times, letting go didn't seem as hard as it used to.

2010-11-08T23:27:00.000+08:00

went to school for ocip training and cca today. sian ttm ;P hahaha, then went to macs with V, Mavis & darling Rachel (y) talked like some crazaye person with Rachel, HEH. yeah. then bus-ed back and did my stuff. okay, i don't get why everyone suddenly asks why i pin up my fringe -,- COS I WANT TO BE GOOD GIRL MAHZZZ! CANNOT MEHHHHZZZZZ! LOLOLOLOL. so ahlian -..- nah, i just don't want any teacher or even the principal who caught me twice, get a heart attack when she sees my fringe down. heh, i'm nice okay! think of the rest instead of how i look ^^ tomorrow going back to school, JUST TO HAND UP A FORM. bohliao right? hahahahhaa, but nvm i guess. just hand up, and i guess it's better if i go to school in the morning than stay at home and rot right? hahahaha, okay. i think i really have nothing better to do. ZOMG. can the darn adobe thing come fasterrrrrrr!!!? i'm so bored till i'm playing PET SOCIETY on facebook. not my type of game and it looks bad on me, LOL. yeah, bored ttm. sigh.

LOLOLOLOL. i'm married to Rachel L on facebook! FINALLY MANX! hahahahahah. no longer single and alone of facebook. all those marriage quotes can be said once again! last time was with Athirah beloved, now with Rachel darling. GOSH. i sound like a flirt -.- ewwwww. hahaha.

okay okay, that's all i guess. my eyes are super dry so it's starting to shut. HEH. kthxbai C:

2010-11-07T21:02:00.001+08:00

uhmmmm, to a specific reader who's entering from Laos? LOL. eh, tag luh. first visitor from Laos man! i would like to know who you are ^^

LOLOL. yeah, i think Mocha likes Jo. Jo, admit it, he likes you, and it's pretty obvious kay? hehe, went out the entire day, super tired man. going to overseas during the christmas period, well before it, will return in time for it i guess. sigh. The Ice Cream Girls are going to keep me company for quite some time i hope, and i think Think Of Me the version sung by David Archuleta, is simply AWESOME. i love his voiceeeeeee! HEH. for that song only ;P i want more books O: yeah, i want a new phone as well, although i got mine like last year? teehee. i wish that tuesday would quickly come, i want to play with my Adobe Creative Suite ^^ and i hope Daddy will be niceeeee and purchase my Sims 2 which cost over a hundred? now got promotion and it's the downloadable versionnnnnnn, the price is lowwww manxxx (y) heh, i asked for it once when i saw the first promotion but he didn't buy it for me ); i hope this time he's in a good mood and he'll just buy without thinking then he'll regret later or something, LOLOLOL.

i think i'll just go look for another guy to have another major crush on, Mocha seems to like Jo, like yeah. but nvm, like then like loh, kinda expected it and it seemed pretty obvious, hah. words of jealousy, or whatever you call it. idc.

yeah yeah. wtv. kthxbai.

i can't help it but miss you. i wonder if i ever crossed your mind.

2010-11-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

went to Nike factory store at west coast todayyy, hehehe. bought my new sports shoes ^^ think i'll have to wear it to cambodia. LOL. and uhmmm, i have a feeling that i'll be needing another memory card for ocip. yeah, kinda excited for it, HEH.

good luck and have a safe trip to those who are going to Laos tomorrow, eat and sleep well, have plenty of fun and please take care of one another. hahahaha.

oh, Happy Deepavali ^^!

that's all. bye.

2010-11-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

lamda is finally over~ hahahhahaha. it was okay luh, someone's well wishes came in abit late, but oh wells, better than nothing. HAHAHAHH. yeahhh, the ang moh is super super old -.- and he talks super super slow and his accent is ZOMG. hahaha, sk came over to practice abit before we set off to school, and thank gawd we went there early, cos it started earlier. gosh. yeah. but went through all that, then bus-ed home and quickly changed into my whites for investiture. hahhaha, yeah, wearing the blazers was super warm, perspired like crazy. gosh. uhmmm, but it was fun luh. hahah yeah. i think our student leaders very easily high seh -.- like we kept cheering and cheering and cheering like we're partying instead of having an investiture.

haha okay okay. that's all. friggin tired. gosh. bye.

2010-11-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

went to school for ocip training today, then went for lunch with Rachel L, shiyin they all at koufu. then came back had rehearsal for investiture which is tomorrow, omg. super stress about two things now, lamda and investiture. sigh. lamda, i haven't even completed my second speech yet. OMG. what am i suppose to do. got this darn headache somemore. sigh. tomorrow, so many things happening. i hope Rachel's in a good mood tomorrow to tie my hair :/ otherwise i'll have to find another kind soul to help me. sigh. okay that's all. bye.

i miss you, friggin badly.

2010-11-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

yesh, you, the most imperfect person on this Earth. but i'm insanely in love with you.

It's the first of november. sigh. time flies pass super fast, don't you think so? heh. went to school today, super last minute, if it wasn't for CCA, i would have been able to complete at least one of my speeches for the stupid LAMDA exam which is on wednesday. we did almost nothing during CCA, hahahah. yeah yeah. but it was enriching, was studying my senior's Amath textbook, and frankly speaking, it got me super duper stressed up. didn't and couldn't really understand a single thing in the book, but i'm happy to say i finished chapter one already, was moving onto chapter two before CCA ended. HEH. yeah, then went back home, looked at the lamda exam topics, omg. i totally lost interest in it. sheesh. okay, i think i'm going to start on it later after i finish blogging. sigh. hmmmm.. tomorrow's kinda packed, ocip training, venue not even sure then have investiture rehearsal. kinda excited and nervous about investiture. it's like suddenly there's alot of eyes and pressure on you cos it's like official if you know what i mean. i'm looking forward to ocip surprisingly, teehee. i think it's going to be fun ^^ i think i have to bring my extra camera battery there in case of anything. and i'll keep snapping pictures like crazyyyyy C:

haha, okay okay. that's all. need to go do speech now. sigh. bye.

2010-10-31T23:40:00.001+08:00

hahahah, WCP today with clique ^^ you can slowly guess which one is me, HEH. hahahaha. yesh, today's halloween and we spent it by flying kites and playing around in west coast like kids ;D teehee. okay, super tired. and srsly, i think flying kites helps me with my temper issues ;P like yeah, idk why also. HAHAHHAHA. okay, super high, sorry about it (; yeah, after WCP, bus-ed down to Clementi to get Koi bubble tea. a thousand thanks to Rachel L & Shiyin for helping us to queue first ;P ahhaahah, omg, the queue was like SUPER SUPER LONG -.- and frankly speaking, waiting for about 20 mins? for the darn bubble tea. it's srsly nothing special luh, okay, maybeh the flavour ordered wasn't the best and the sugar level was only 25%? but still? you should be able to taste something out of it what. but what did i get, nothing, SIMPLY NOTHING. i didn't really enjoy it luh, i just gulped it down cos i paid for it? but yknow, really nothing special. i have to admit, it's quite okay? but not up to the kind of standard where you have to wait for ages just to get a cup of it. yeah. okay, then mrt-ed back and went to Great World to have dinner at crystal jade ;P hahahhaa. yeah.

happy halloween? LOL. yeah, kinda late greeting. it's so late and the internet is friggin slow -.- my photos are uploading SUPER slowly, ugh. and i'm suppose to be sleeping now, actually :// sigh. okay, tomorrow, have to start writing and memorising my speech for LAMDA exam. i don't want to go for it man, regretted it alotttt :x

kthxbai.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
edit @ 11.51pm

oh, and i flew a kite successfully for the first time in all my life ;P
hehe

2010-10-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

today was just boomzxc ^^ okay, my morning was just great cos of someone's greeting ;P then went to Anchorpoint to meet Jo for lunch, hahaha. then bus-ed to church. omg, lesson today was super boring, sat next to Elisha and both of us were like dozing off, HEH ;P yeah, then someone's msg came in, kinda surprise, but yeah. it woke me up, srsly woke me up. didn't fall asleep after that. LOL. yeah, then waited for Jo, cos she had some interview thingy then went for novena alone and all that. then Mass, my favourite part of the day, HAHAHAHAH! ;D Mud appeared out of nowhere, sat two pews in front of me, i didn't think much about it, till his mom popped out of nowhere as well, and lo and behold, Mocha appeared out of nowhere. couldn't hyperventilate obviously, but i was super happy can!? ;D hahahahah. yeah, but he and Mud had to serve, so we weren't that close after all :/ sigh, he's super cute luh!!! omg, stared at him for the ENTIRE Mass. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ;P yeah yeah. obsessed, sick, disgusting, gross, WTV MAN! Mocha is still number one, no matter what happens or whoever pops into my life ^^ okays, tomorrow out with clique at WCP C; excited ttmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! hahahahah, but sad, cos of disappointment, wcp don't have bike rental i think. sigh. upset just like Mag ://////

my headphones spoilt ): sigh, i'm going to get a new one, NO MATTER WHAT MAN -.- hehe. okay, that's all. off to watch my 'Next Stop, Happiness' ^^
byebye.